Sunday, October 09, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
Plot: A romantic comedy about a family traveling to the French capital for business. The party includes a young engaged couple forced to confront the illusion that a life different from their own is better...
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Sunday, October 09, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
Plot: A sharp-witted comedy that follows a group of apparent strangers in interlocking stories taking place in ten different bars during the course of one evening throughout Los Angeles..
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Sunday, October 09, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
Plot: A young woman, after witnessing her parents’ murder as a child in Bogota, grows up to be a stone-cold assassin.
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Sunday, October 09, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
Plot: A spaceship arrives in Arizona, 1873, to take over the Earth, starting with the Wild West region. A posse of cowboys and natives are all that stand in their way.
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Sunday, October 02, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
So: do you like movies about gladiators? No, that’s not an Airplane reference but a reviewer asking you, the reader, why you’d be at all interested in such a blatant attempt to cash in on the sword and sandals phenomenon that arrived on the heels of the success of films like 300 and their ilk. Even if the idea of a ‘sexed’ up world of swords, warriors and demons does indeed get you hard then you should look elsewhere instead of this dismal excuse for film-making.
In a brief prologue we learn of King Wolfkhan and his desire for a wider rule that leads him to making a pact with a demon: he will become unbeaten in all his battles in exchange for the soul of his first born child. He becomes so consumed with his conquests, the fact that he has put his daughter’s life up for grabs slips his mind and years later, the demon fulfils his side of their bargain and snatches his child (all this is told to us in a pretty unremarkable 2D animation). Three chosen warriors, champions of the local fighting tournaments, are given the task of hunting the demon down to break its hold over the kingdom, saving their world…bored yet? I don’t blame you at all.
Even after the first five minutes you’ll be cursing yourself and your damned sense of curiosity for leading you to pick up this abortion. If you make it past that point without hitting the off button on your remote, than I commend you squire! The production values are pretty much non-existent leaving us with little more than a few extras hired to wander around fields and old castles in shoddy period clothing squawking some of the most hideous dialogue ever committed to paper.
The performances are truly shocking even for this straight to DVD video dungeon that I’m sure even Kim Newman would choose to stay well away from. The only other place you’d see performances of this quality would be to visit your local medieval re-enactment show: actually I hereby apologise and would like to strike that last comment from the record, that would be offensive to those taking part in said re-enactment.
Not all the fault should be focused on the performers here as the director seems to idea of how to frame a simple shot, the editing is so chip-choppy I would be surprised if they just pulled in someone who was in-between putting wedding videos together. In a scene where two characters were engaged in combat – I didn’t really care who they were – you can clearly see two extras in the background, lightly exchanging blows like two ten year olds. Did they even check the rushes for this at all?
For those of with a warped love of Ed Wood style disasters – don’t be fooled. I implore you not to waste your time with this dross and do something a lot more enjoyable with your time, like slam your head in a car door. This is one of those films that will leave you scratching your head at how it ever got a green light at all. Avoid.
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Friday, September 30, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
Plot: A teen gang in South London defend their block from an alien invasion.
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Friday, September 30, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
Plot: The Autobots learn of a Cybertronian spacecraft hidden on the Moon, and race against the Decepticons to reach it and to learn its secrets.
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Friday, September 30, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
Plot: A thriller centered on a young man who sets out to uncover the truth about his life after finding his baby photo on a missing persons website.
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Friday, September 30, 2011
Reporter:
The Home Treatment
Plot: When the evil wizard Gargamel chases the tiny blue Smurfs out of their village, they tumble from their magical world and into ours.
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